Without Hope, there’s no Faith. With Faith, there’s Hope.
Today is World Prematurity Day. Now granted none of the MMD founders have endured the stress and heartache which comes with giving birth to a premature baby but of course as mother’s our hearts naturally empathize with the pain of any parent dealing or having dealt with that moment in their lives. Today’s guest post is by the stunningly strong Georgia who gave birth not just one, but two premature babies, twins in fact. We hope that posts such as these help raise awareness and heal hearts. - MMD
I remember the utter shock when I found out! We were trying for just under a year and I was starting to think something was wrong. So to go from that to twins I could not believe it.
I was classed as a high-risk pregnancy with scans every 2 weeks. I was constantly made aware of the risks, and going into labor early was one of them.
Despite all of this my new mother naivety, I was pretty calm. For some reason, I fixated on 32 weeks and didn’t even consider giving birth before then.
I was in the hospital for three nights with cramps before I gave birth, and my cervix had opened 1cm. During these three nights, I would run through my daily events trying to pick up on anything that caused me to end up in hospital. My mind was in a panic. What would happen if I do go into labor? Would they survive? If they do survive will they be ok? The ultimate feeling of not being prepared. But how do you prepare for a situation like this? YOU CAN’T! Then it hits you like a truck - did you really think you were in control?!
It didn’t help me to prepare for giving birth and the pain of pushing when you don’t want to.
IT WAS TOO EARLY. I can still hear them preparing the intensive care cots. It went from my fiancé and midwife to around 8 additional people just waiting for my girls to come. When my firstborn arrived I just kept on asking if she was OK. No loud cry like the TV, rather the sound of suction and doctors chatting to each other. Yes. I was told she was fine now I had to push the second one out.
My contractions had stopped but started up again reminding me I still had work to do. I struggled with her… I was pushing but nothing, my midwife leaned into my face and said ‘Georgia you need to push, I can’t help she is too small’. It’s amazing how those words made me forget about the pain and she was out. 30 minutes difference between my girls. I could see the back of the team that was working on her again. No loud cry just the sound of medical equipment. Then they were gone with my second girl aka ‘Twin 2’. I didn’t see both of them. There was no skin to skin contact. For someone who wouldn’t classify herself as maternal, I was taken aback by how much my body craved to just hold them. The thought of this still hits a raw nerve now.
The room was empty again and I just sat there asking when I could see them. I was told it wouldn’t be for a few hours as I had to let the Doctors work. I had a bath and suddenly felt an intense feeling of loss. I gave birth but they were not with me. I touched my belly and it was empty. I was later moved to a ward with women that had children in intensive care as well. But it didn’t stay that way which ripped an already open wound. I finished giving birth at 14:00 and didn’t see them till 21:00. I had never seen babies so small and the constant beeps of the machines made me nervous. The staff explained what the machines were doing. I couldn’t remember any of it. I was then told they didn’t have enough intensive care cots - Twin 2 would need to be moved to another hospital and they were waiting for transport. I remember feeling over-whelmed and light headed. I had to sit down. I couldn’t process it all. I think my fiancé could see I was totally out of it and did all the talking. I just looked at the clear boxes with my children inside. I just felt so disconnected and scared.
My girls were in 2 different hospitals for 1 week before being reunited. They were in the hospital for just over 2 months. I was there 6 days of every week. It was the most emotional time in my life.
It’s amazing the inner strength but I know my close friends and family helped me through it and kept me sane. It refocuses your mind and it might sound cliché but the people around you are the most important thing. Everything else is BS. I am also fully aware of how lucky I am. I witnessed a family lose a child and saw babies that needed operations - another layer of being a mother to premature babies I thankfully didn’t experience.
I can happily say, I am enjoying watching our living miracles Ayanna Hope and Azaria Faith grow.